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Sparkle in the sunset with these gorgeous summer evening dresses ...more Skip over navigation &la... Letts: Tony Blair's jo

What a squirmingly embarrassing afternoon we had at the TUC. Tony Blair gave one of those Hugh Grant-style best-man speeches that bombs, horribly. His jokes died like underpowered bullets, dropping limp into the Brighton sand.

He leaned on his lectern, raised his voice and tonked a few boasts to the boundary. When a few voices warbled "rubbish!" and "no!" and "shame on you!" Mr Blair said, in his most condescending accent: "I think we're warming up! You can disagree but just listen to the argument a moment."

Charmless Bob Crow had earlier yanked his bald neck to his rail union underlings and performed an indignant, stagey walkout. "Go and talk to your mate George Bush," yelled a granny in the gallery, also heading for the exit.

He said that Mr Crow and his ilk were simply opposed to everything New Labour tried to do. No one applauded. Mr Blair could have been talking to himself.

The session had been preceded by a choir of young men who sang the vultures' song from Disney's "Jungle Book" cartoon – the one which goes "that's what friends are for".

Mr Blair's arrival was in fact met not with hosannas or a single person standing up, but with some muted hisses and boos. Gloria Mills, conference president, said: "Tony, I want to say you are very welcome."

"Those w*****s are not even in the Labour party," he cried. "Tell them to f*** off now!" But good old Denis was about the only person paying the protestors much attention.

The only people who were busy were the press photographers who ran up and down the aisles of the conference hall at a crouch, hurrying to snap the latest dissident.

At the back left of the hall an old geezer in braces drifted off into an enviable slumber. I can not be sure but I think the Blair line, "we have to escape the tyranny of the 'or' and develop the inclusive nature of the 'and'," may have done for him.

Mr Blair's speech ended. There was perhaps a 20-second attempt at tepid, sedentary applause. Then we had an excruciating question-and-answer session when every single questioner was critical.

The queue of people included an Asian-looking young man with a beard and a red jumpsuit. His every step was shadowed by a Special Branch officer with an earpiece.

Mr Blair had by now changed his accent to Mockney and was trying a few self-indulgent riffs about how much better it was to be in power than in Opposition.

10 years ago Blair took the labour party into the middle and gave me someone to vote for. He was the best thing to happen to the British political system in my lifetime.

It is ludicrous to think that he will be around for another year just to cement his place in history, at the expense of the labour party and the country.

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admin – Wed, 2006 – 09 – 13 11:00